Saturday, 30 March 2013

THE GANNET MONOLOGUE


I recently attended a Life writing/Memoir course tutored by the excellent Amanda Rackshaw at Cardiff University's Life-Long Learning Department.



1962. MOTHER & DAUGHTER. 82A NEW KING’S ROAD, FULHAM. IN THE SMALL KITCHEN.

       ‘She’s got her hand in that biscuit time again. It’s the same with the cheese. She can eat half a pound of Cheddar in the time it takes me to walk across the road to the Co-op. Look at her-bleedin’ gannet, dive–bombing her way through the whole tin. Those are supposed to last us a week. Some hope with her appetite. It’s not like she’s starving. She can’t be hungry. She just had a cooked dinner and a pound of apples. I can’t afford to keep on replacing the cheese and biscuits every few days. Times are hard enough… and Look at her,head in a book. The lazy mare!

    You need to get off your arse and do something, young lady. Don’t look at me like that either, or you’ll see the back of my hand. What? I’ve got more strength in my little finger than you’ve got in your whole fat body.

    Put the tin away NOW!  You’re not the only one in the family, you know. When I want a Garibaldi or your father wants a Fig Roll, they’ll be none left. What did you say? Don’t answer me back. . . It’s always the same with you, isn’t it? Eat,eat,eat! No boy will ever fancy you. Mark my words. No man wants a fat wife.    Your father did? Well, times were different then. Anyway, enough of your cheek. Come on, give me that biscuit tin.  I said, GIVE IT HERE!   ( SHE PULLS THE TIN AND ALL THE BISCUITS FALL OUT & SCATTER OVER THEM BOTH AND ALL OVER THE FLOOR. SHE BECOMES ANGRY.GOES TO HIT DAUGHTER, WHO TRIES TO GET AWAY & CROUCHES IN CORNER).   

   Gertcha! Now, see what you’ve done. I’ve sweated hard on this place. Not that you’d notice now.  I would have bought a bag of broken biscuits if that’s what I’d wanted. It would have been cheaper too.  Jesus Christ! You try my patience. Now, young lady, clear up this mess. Pronto!        Go on then! Leave home. Do us all a favour.

 Janet Daniel. March 29 2013

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